Not Yet and No Longer

Oh how am I scared

To let go

Of myself

A part of me, attached to you

How I unintentionally and

Desperately hold on to you

But you are gone

There’s a wall

Made of glass

But all you see is a mirror


I cry out to you

In my sleep

“Come back”, I plead

My knees bleed

“Don’t go?” I say

Knowing it’s too late

Closed is the gate

Locked in the door

I can’t get to you

Not anymore


And I still sit waiting

In front of the glass

Hoping for nothing

Wishing for nothing

Pain is a friend now

The only companion

The glass now plays memories

Anniversaries, those idiosyncrasies

But the film is blurry

Or maybe it’s my sight


My people try

Dragging me away

But my heels are dug deep

In this space

Between not yet

And no longer

They hold my hands

And pull me away some days

Other days they just let me be


My body runs away

Only to find that sometimes

My heart is left behind

Sometimes it’s my soul

My body is weary and

We all play the waiting game

Till I get myself out of the space

Between not yet and no longer


He couldn’t tell her

He couldn’t tell her,

That he kept scrolling down her pictures

When everyone was asleep,

As tears rolled down his cheek

When she smiled,

How it was strong enough

To change landscapes

How she deserved the world and

She was incredibly naive

To love someone like him


He couldn’t tell her

How he wished to hold her hand

And pull her into a tight hug,

That she’d struggle to escape.

How he wanted to trace the length

Of the city on her back,

All the way down

Till her breathing slowed,

And her pulsating heart

Made him feel alive.


He couldn’t tell her

How he remembered every microscopic detail

Of their lives together,

How he was still with her in the

Parallel universe,

And how he’d still hear her voice

Find her face in the crowd;

Her anxious eyes would still

Look out for him,

How she’d wade through all beautiful faces

To run into him

Oh! How he wished he was brave

Like her.


But it was too late,

He wished her away.

He couldn’t tell her,

How much he wanted her to stay