poetry

Passing Away

I prepared for your leaving
in silence
breath by breath
beat by beat
I watched you fade
I held your trembling hands
and watched your glassy eyes
stare out of the window.
‘You were beautiful, perfect,
I fucked you up.’
You said as your voice broke.
I knew it was the last of the nights
because you always complained about me
and I’d say
‘if you ever were to call me something nice
I’d be terrified.’
We both wasted food that night
‘You’ll be okay,’ you said
‘You need to fight,’ I whispered
in spite of knowing very well, you wouldn’t.
Maybe you were tired
perhaps I knew it was going to be this way.
You passed away in the early hours
next morning.
We laid you to rest that very evening
But it was a never-ending funeral
inside my head.
I kept burying you under
and pulling you out.
I slept next to your grave for months to come
in sun and rain.
The whiff of your perfume
made me cut through the crowd.
I read p.s. I love you over and over again.
I crashed in every stranger’s arms
searching for you in them
Choked on all our favorite songs
Didn’t touch any food I loved.
After a while, there were no tears to spare,
and it felt they buried in there with you.
Birthdays, Christmas
and a new year walked me by
the somber static of my heart
dulled all the music.
And finally after what seemed a lifetime
the flowers bloomed
on your grave and
I learned to live again.

2 thoughts on “Passing Away”

    1. The conversation was between my ex and me day before we parted ways. He’s fortunately alive 😀 But I did go through a whirlwind of emotions for a year after that as if life had suddenly come to a complete halt.

      Like

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